I passed the eight year mark of my ordination yesterday. I was ordained a deacon on May 17th, 2007 after four years of study in a Theological Seminary.  So when I awoke yesterday memories of this day came flooding back to me, as to how I was feeling on this day eight years ago and to how I am now feeling in my ministry.  A lot of uncertainty back then, not as to whether I was called for this particular way of life, and I consider it a way of life, ordained ministry, because it is not a 9:00 to 5:00 job where you get up and go out to a particular place of work and come home in the evening, or vice versa if you work in the evening and come home in the morning.

Ministry happens whenever and wherever you are, and so requires a particular stamina, or investment of self, and discipline.  You can’t just walk away and say my day is now over, I am out of here, see you tomorrow when someone is in need of your attention, or calls you at strange hours of the day or night, just to ask a question, make an inquiry or perhaps in their hour of crisis. Would I be able to meet the challenges that come with this particular lifestyle, and if not what then.  And so the uncertainties arise.  But it is going forward, always going forward that you find what it is you need to deal with the next situation ahead of you, because you see it is always ahead of you, happening right now.  You are not aware of it, but when it comes to your awareness it is already part way in. And this is where you are called, needed, perhaps when others haven’t been able to provide for, give to the moment as you are asked or thought to be able to give as a Priest, or Clergy.

Perhaps it will be a spiritual matter, a pastoral concern, liturgical planning, scheduling detail, worship order, property concern, or some other matter that somehow comes under the umbrella of what it means to be a Priest.  And that is to be there, to bring some knowledge or aspect of a God presence, and that maybe in the form of prayer, comfort, support, understanding, spiritual, emotional, pastoral, and physical, for it takes a lot of energy to sustain the hours to which you sometimes are called to give.  These last eight years have been you might say filled with all of that and more, with many challenges and blessings along the way. In which I have seen myself grow from a place of being unsure about my abilities or capabilities, afraid of making mistakes that would somehow cause someone to lose faith in the church or in God, to a place where I feel even with the mistakes I have made over these years, I can say that it has helped me grow to become a better Priest and leader in and for the Church.  As I was reflecting on this I thought about the Gospel reading for this seventh sunday of Easter, John 17:6-19, and how Jesus as he was preparing for his leaving the disciples on the last night he was with them, asks the Father to protect them.  “Holy Father, protect them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one, as we are one”(11).  Jesus was asking for the Father’s protection for the disciples, that he would no longer be with them to guard them, “while I was with them, I protected them in your name that you given me. I guarded them, and not one was lost, except the one destined to be lost, so that the scripture might be fulfilled.” Nothing happened outside of the Father’s knowledge of it, and Jesus wanted this protection for the twelve, as they prepared to go out in the world without him. Nothing would happen to them outside the watchful and protective eye of the Father.  Reflecting on this and my own call to ministry, I thought of this prayer as a prayer for the church, those called to witness to the faith in the world, and that in it too, I can find my place as one being prayed for.  And in that I find much hope, and blessing to be called to this particular ministry and to be especially thought about and cared for by my heavenly Father.  I heard from many friends today, lives I have touched along the way, friends from long ago,  some I went to seminary with, others just acquaintances, but all in all it was a good day, and I give thanks for it, and continue on with the life I have been chosen for.  As one friend had said in a comment he made, reflecting on our time in ministry, he now retired, “It is a blessing being on the road together. You Carry on while I stop for a cup-of-tea.”  I Carry on.